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Aug 7, 2016

NAME THAT PATTERN: Billie Burke Birthday Edition!

You know her as Glinda, the Good Witch of the North in The Wizard of Oz, but before that, Billie Burke (b. Aug 7, 1884) was the famous Ziegfeld beauty who married her boss, Florenz Ziegfeld himself!  She then went on to play ditzy matrons in countless golden era Hollywood films, including such classics as Dinner at Eight and Father of the Bride.

What better way to celebrate the 132nd birthday of this screen legend than to play a very special round of the sewing blogosphere's favorite pattern-naming game, MPB's exclusive NAME THAT PATTERN!

You already know how to play NAME THAT PATTERN: I post photos of patterns I've found online, and you give them funny names, the sillier the better.  As always, we have some amazing gifts in store, including an all-expenses-paid, five-day/four-night Acapulco vacation with Texas Senator Ted Cruz!

With no further delay, let's get started.

Please join me in giving a warm welcome to PATTERN #1!

Can't be topped?  Here's PATTERN #2?!

And now for something completely different, PATTERN #3!

We're not done yet -- here's PATTERN #4!

Last and, arguably, least -- in fabric that is -- PATTERN #5!

BUT WAIT!  As always, we have our BONUS PATTERN for those seeking extra credit and extra giggles.  It's exotic PATTERN #6!

Friends, I hope you've enjoyed this very special Billie Burke birthday edition of NAME THAT PATTERN.  I'll be playing, of course, as well as Michael, and anybody else I can corral around the apartment.  Remember,  you can give names to any or all of the above patterns, but only those who name all six patterns will be eligible for the Ted Cruz vacation.

Ready to roll?  On your marks, get set, NAME THAT PATTERN!


  1. In honor of my sister's birthday, we often watch the WoOz, but she's out of town this year......

    1. I put all the dirt and my other discarded dreams in this handy pocket
    2. Auditions for Camelot in the next room
    3 Cameltoe Brothers
    4. Your face here (the Stepford Children)
    [Now, I have seen this pattern before, and it has been a genuine source of creepy entertainment for me and the people I made. I threaten them with replicas from time to time.]

    5. Cookin’ up some fun
    6. Standard Issue Agent Wear, Comrade Tracy

  2. 1 it's a man's man's world when this is a woman's day pattern.
    3 skorts for sports
    4 you've heard of scarecrows? These keep away Jehova witnesses.
    5 I wear potholders sown together because I'm hot to handle.
    6 the edgar g robinson collection

  3. 1. Are you sure this is how Kyle got started?
    2. Caution:Not safe around burners or open flames.
    3. Son, are your boxers riding up, too?
    4. When you want to drive in the HOV lane
    5. When you just can't be bothered with side seams
    6. What to wear when tracking Moose and Squirrel

  4. 1) Designer Hooverwear

    2) The 60s do Medieval Times, Sort of, and with Mini-Skirts

    3) Whoa, Wedgie Pants (kneesocks sold seperately)

    4) Creepy faux human taxidermy dolls

    5) Sideboob Pinafores, circa 1975 (suitable for Hoovering sand out of the wall-to-wall carpet in your Malibu beach pad)

    6) The Miss KGB Great Coat

  5. 1. If I stare at the rug, will it get clean?
    2. Medieval Princess Pattern! Now with bonus Indian Princess
    3. Son, It's Time You Learned About Shorts
    4. Even the Valley of the Dolls Hated the 80s
    5. Barefoot? Check. In the Kitchen? Check. Bring on the sperm for pregnancy!
    6. In Soviet Russia, Coat Wears YOU

    -- Tegan

  6. 1. Mamacita Morning Wear
    2. Sex Cult Wardrobe Starter Kit
    3. Gladiator Movie Matinée Togs
    4. Pinafores of the Corn
    5. Pinafores of the Porn
    Bonus: Soviet Drag King Pocket Pool Special

  7. 1 Alice Kramden on a good day
    2 Mary Richards and Rhoda waiting for "mister right"
    3 "So you're still a Fruit of the Loom guy"
    4 "Little Women" at the Bates Motel
    5 Lolita!!
    6 Chester Morris aka Boston Blackie

  8. #1 This Hoover sucks and so does my life.
    #2 Carnaby Street Community Theatre presents "Little Women"
    #3 Martin's life improved when he started dating his Sixth grade students.
    #5 Three's Company Nightie Collection
    #6 Khrushchev Couture

  9. 1. I am a MODEL - I don't know how this thing works.
    2. Mean Girls - The 60s Edition
    3. Really? A Candy Tree? Sure, I'll go with you.
    4. Brides of Chucky - the innocent years
    5. We DO look good in the Kitchen Curtains!
    6. Flasher Chic - for the Perv---errr Man in your life!

  10. 1 This is not what I thought the job at MGM would be
    2 Don’t worry girls, Josie and her goddam Pussycats have nothing on us
    3 Your right, Uncle Buck, I CAN feel my scrotum in these coulottes!
    4 You came to the wrong neighborhood, beeyotch!
    5 Hee hee, we are going to rock the potholder merit badge.
    6 Hmm…I can’t feel my scrotum in this getup…..I hate Communism.

    1. Michael, this is my favorite list of the day. Although it is a little heavy on scrotums.

    2. Thanks! I had a ball coming up with these.

  11. 1. Darlene dreamed of the day she could upgrade to an Electrolux.
    2. "Am I the only one whose boobs are breaking out in prickly heat?"
    3. "Take your hand out of your pants, Tommy, that's my job!"
    4. Valley of the Pantyhose Dolls
    5. "Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who has the softest home permanent in the land?"
    6. No one ever discovered where young Boris hid the 357 rolls of black market toilet paper.

    1. Dearest,

      Between you and ScorpionInBlue, I was experiencing abandonment issues.

      Your man fan

  12. 1. Wearing a clothes pin apron sucks more than this crap vacuum.
    2. Mini to maxi or's you!
    3. A camping trip? What shall I wear?
    4. Where's Chucky?
    5. Let's pretend it's my first time.
    6. Blend in wearing standard issue spy coat with pockets for film rolls.

  13. what a gorgeous lady!
    I always wanted a soft, wavy bob like hers,
    love the imagined titles, chuckles abound

  14. #1: 3 Cheers for Women's Day! Hip, hip horray!
    #2: I left my heart in San Francisco...
    #3: Finally! Culottes for Men (and boys!)!
    #4: Just dolls, all of 'em.
    #5: Aprons for bed - easy!!
    #6: Just buy the whole roll of fabric..

  15. 1. Just another woman's day.
    2. One pattern--a dress for every occasion!
    3. I'm speechless.
    4. Bummer
    5. Enjoli ("...bring home the bacon...fry it up in the pan...never ever let you forget you're a man...") i.e. worst commercial ever
    6. Blocky coat for the Communist Bloc

  16. #6: KGB Stealth Trench Coat designed by "E" (hurry up and accept, dahling, before I again become sane)

  17. 1. Mrs. Roboto's Vacuum Sack
    2. Pompeiian Grooves
    3. Official Switching Shorts (that IS what the man is holding in his hand, right?)
    4. Cracker Barrel Doll-ups
    5. (a) Hot Pockets (b) Victoria's Secret Apron Collection
    6. Putin on the Ritz

  18. In honor of our upcoming elections
    1. "Join Us" and clean up the White House
    2. I hear if you vote libertarian then... brownies for everyone!
    3. Son, you might be able to afford college after all
    4. The many members of the Green Party
    5. I'm applying to interview for The Donald
    6. What to wear if we're more friendly with Russia.

  19. 1. It took me 5 hours to press my bloody outfit and now I'm supposed to hoover?!
    2. Where's James Bond when you need him?
    3. Learn to Sew with the Hitler Youth
    4. Return to Valley of the Dolls: Cabbage Patch on Downers
    5; Don't understand why the neighbours say I'm slutty when I spend all day just doing housework. Now where is that butcher's boy?
    6. The look that put "over" in overcoat!

  20. Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m having such a great time reading everyone’s entries. I can’t compete.
    But I happened to be listening to, “Ladies Who Lunch,” from “Company,” and found myself oddly connecting some of the lyrics to the patterns. I get weird late at night…
    1: Keeping house but clutching/a copy of LIFE
    2: Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch
    3: And meet themselves at the schools
    4: A toast to that invincible bunch
    5: And here's to the girls who just watch
    6: Off to the gym/Then to a fitting/Claiming they're fat

    1. Roberta,

      Start sleeping during the day.

      Your new man fan

    2. LOL! I need more late nights with show tunes.

  21. #1 Diagonal Disdain
    #2 Hippie Haute Couture
    #3 Father Knows Best
    #4 Scary Sad stuffed imitation of Holly Hobby dolls
    #5 Gidget's Slumber Party Sleeper
    #6 The Spy Who Didn't Love me!

  22. That last one looks like two kids trying to get into an 18-rated film.


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