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Jul 15, 2012

"Name That Pattern" -- CELEBRITY FINALS!

Readers, life is funny -- some might even say hilarious.  This is usually only in retrospect, of course, when the tears have long since dried and the therapy bills been paid.  But seriously, you need a sense of humor to navigate this life and you, clever readers, have one.

I was very impressed by your skill (and enthusiasm) at playing Name That Pattern yesterday.  So impressed, in fact, that you are ALL eligible to compete in the finals -- Michael included!

The theme of our final round -- is CELEBRITY PATTERNS.

Please give a name to the following patterns (not just the names of the celebrities, of course). 

On your marks, get set....GO!  

Pattern 1

(My answer: "Ricky, how do you loosey this thing?)

Pattern 2  

 (My answer: "Leggo my Ego")

Pattern 3

(My answer: "Too short and too sassy.")

Pattern 4

 (My answer: "Brooke bears all!")

Pattern 5

(My answer: "A Lexus doing (nineteen) eighty")

$100,000* bonus pattern!

(My entry: "Do mi mi, mi sew sew...ugly cape")

*all winnings subject to state and federal taxes.

Good luck, funny people!

Winners to be announced ASAP!


  1. argh. Now I have "Chain Reaction" going through my head

  2. 1. hip hip hooray

    2. The 'Loving yourself sick' emsemble.

    3. I'm frilled to meet you.

    4. Can't bear to be without you.

    5. The 'You wanna take me on like Crystal?' dress.

    6. The 'So long farewell' (be thankful you never had to wear it) outfit.

    the mind boggles LMAO

    1. Suzi, I'm terribly sorry, but our judges have just informed me that, as of 8:20 am EST, you have yet to submit entries to the original "Name That Pattern" game, and are therefore disqualified.

      You CAN still enter that game and restore your eligiblity, but please hurry!

    2. i'll happily stay was hard enough thinking of those horrors with my brain fried with this gawd awful flu i've been struck down with (Southern Hemisphere winter lurgies).

  3. Pattern 1-Big Hips Sink Ships
    Pattern 2-I'm Sexy and I know it
    Pattern 3-Smiling not spinning
    Pattern 4-Bear Lagoon
    Pattern 5-I'm Rich and a Bitch
    Pattern 6-Can We Leave already?

  4. Yikes. You have lots of celebrity patterns!
    1. T'Ricky!
    2. You can't know where you're going to.
    3. Triple Fuss
    4. Brooke Panda-monium
    5. Joan's Zing
    6. Do Re Mi Sew: A Cape of Boiled Wool.

  5. This is entirely hilarious! I LOVE your captions, Peter.

  6. How lovely that family members are not excluded from this contest. I am dying to win the luxury — wait, what was the grand prize again? If I'm lucky, it's a dream date with the blogger. Of course, I will probably have to do all the cooking.....

    My entries for Round 2:

    1. No 'splaining this one!
    2. I was swept away — with ME
    3. Rose Hips
    4. Umbilical Cord Bears (Mommy loves 'em!)
    5. Prom Queen Mother
    BONUS: A few of my LEAST favorite things *or* I am sixteen going on seventy

    1. Let's hope your dream date isn't wearing


  7. Would I get the bonus prize if i told you I actually have the Sound of Music pattern and have been looking for an excuse to use it?

    1. I went to Studio 54 and I all I got was their curtains....
    2. My hips don't lie, my lovely lady lumps hid the hams I stole from the A&P
    3. The Hamill mullet: business on the top, party on the bottom
    4. Grin and bear it, the 80s bamboo-zeled us all
    5. Dy-nasty
    6. Help! I've been Von Trapped in an Austrian straight jacket

  8. Oh stink, I included the top pattern!

    1. And I skipped one.... I must need more more coffee...

      Insert between Lucy and Dorothy: it isn't, it wasn't, it ain't never gonna be a good dress

  9. 1. pup-tent pinafore
    2. bipolar fantasy
    3. flounce-n-bounce
    4. bearly standable
    5. dy-nasty design
    6. duh-capo for fresh aria

  10. Deliberately didn't read the others' entries first, so I didn't realize that Always Alice scooped me on #5. I humbly submit "Self-inflating sleeves" as an alternate. :-)

  11. I'm starting with the BONUS--
    The poor didn't want this pattern.

  12. And the rest... here on Gilligan's Island!
    Lucy- Remind how much I'm getting paid to wear this again?
    Diana- Sternum bearing REALNESS!
    Dorothy- Can can costume-- ice not needed!
    Brooke- Lipstick Jungle made a sad panda
    Joan- I steal from craft services and hide what I grab in my sleeves.

  13. 1. Cardtable apron
    2. She's melting
    3. Fluffles
    4. Bearable
    5. Smothering Sleeves
    6.Do, Re, Mi, Tee Hee Hee

  14. 1. Swing low hula mama
    2. God, I asked you for a little cleavage, not this stupid collar.
    3. Ruffly tuppy
    4. Mommie, bearest
    5. Affreux-disiac
    6. This caper not my favorite thing

  15. 1. the crinoline chef
    2. more flounce per ounce
    3. skate mate/ruffle princess
    4. panda poufsters
    5. every sleeve an island
    6. tyroean toppers

  16. 1. Shoplifter's Special. "Ricky! Come bail me out! I got caught at the Piggly Wiggly with a ham and two chickens in my pockets"!
    2. Polyester Fantasia in Brown & white. "God, help me if I pass near a lighted candle!"
    3. The Cute & Perky Cupcake Dress. Copied from a costume seen at the local tap dance recital. I am so cute it just kills me!
    4. The Rolly-Poly Panda. Don't tell anyone, but she slept in the nude with this bear
    5. Axial Saddle Bag Hideaway. Struck at an early age with Axial Elephantiasis, she needed a design to hide the extra flab.
    6. Topless Coverup. "Betcha' like to know what I have on under this"?

  17. 1. BaBa Loo Cursed Apron

    2. "Ease On Down The Road" from this mess!

    3. Ruffly-Enough

    4.You Just Think You're Good Enough For This Pattern!

    5. How Do You Sew A Problem Like This Pattern?

    Not my best, but had to try.

    1. I seem to have left out the Dorothy Hamill dress.
      Here goes:
      "Skate Away-Nothing To See Here"

  18. I had a dress like patterns 3 hahhaahaah!!! Oh memories, memories!

  19. Just got to do this again...
    Lucy- It has inner pockets... for my secret hams.
    Diana- This'll bring the rain in Central Park.
    Dorothy- My mother sews all my costumes!
    Brooke- Pretty Baby Bears
    Joan- Just push me in the fountain, ho. I got PFDs right here.
    Sound of Music- These are our costumes, Nazi f**ker.

  20. 1. Purse& skirt combo.
    2. What to do with all these small bits of stash fabric.
    3. It has a flower on it and therefore it is pretty.
    4. Be happy, you don't have to wear this one.
    5. Become an old maid in 10 easy steps.
    6. Next to this a nuns habit doesn't look so bad.

  21. Oh, I thought of another one for # 2!

    "I'm so tired, look, even my collar is yawning."

  22. 1. "hey girls, is there something in your pocket or are you REALLY pleased to see me?"

    2. I really must fix that ceiling mirror.

    3. And now for the pole dance...

    4. Brooke breast feeds panda cub.

    5. 1980 or 1880, it's all in the skirt length.

    6. If I never see those old curtains again, never won't be long enough!

  23. 1. Come on out, I know you're under there.
    2. Upside down, boy you turn me.
    3. Am smiling on the outside, but wtf have
    you dressed me in.
    4 Am not a child.
    5. These better be real pearls.
    6. Cape Fear.

  24. 1-day or night-i still look a fright
    2-who wants small hips-the wider the better for child bearing
    3-ebony & ivory flip flop
    4-she ra ra
    5-huggable-you'd better believe it!
    6-shoulder pads not needed!
    7-if only i could move my arms

  25. 1. Ladies, don't forget to put the table in there to hold the wineglasses up
    2. Stop her, the chessboard is getting away!
    3. What's your biggest part? Lets' make it bigger!
    4. Unbearable
    5. Keep away sleeves
    6. Almost a straightjacket.

  26. 1. Vitameatavegahips
    2. Ruche Me In the Morning
    3. Gold Medal Flour Power
    4. Brooke Becomes a River (upon the loss of her virginity to the Teddy Bear)
    5. Joanie Loves Schlock-ey
    6. Eidelweiss-grip

  27. I'm to shocked by the lack of Marlo Thomas patterns that I can't think of anything!

    (I think at least 50% of my mother's pattern collection was Marlo Thomas!)

    1. I DID intend to include this Marlo pattern, but I was afraid it would confuse people:

  28. 1. Bongo Hauler
    2. Any more fabric and I'll collapse
    3. Hammill Flamenco
    4. Bearly Brooke
    5. Dynasty Travesty
    Bonus The Von Trapp me-in-Cape

  29. You didn't mention the hideous Christie Brinkley 80s numbers ... I have some in my collection if you are brave enough!

  30. My sister had a pattern with Susan Dey on it.

  31. 1 Cringe-worthy crin-apron
    2 (view 3) Up to pussy’s bow and nearly all the way down her bust
    3Dotty does a frilly thing
    4 Panda-ing to the market
    5 Dynastic shoulder disaster
    Bonus pattern: Any goatherd would rather be lonely than wear this

    Inventing names for execrable patterns may replace Sudoku as the most popular solitary pastime!

  32. 1.Lucy drank too much Vitameatavegamin
    2. "Love Hangover"
    3. Flutz
    4. Endangered
    5. "The Bitch"
    6. Edel-Worse

  33. 1. Love my fiftyrama outfit
    2. The memories of Fashion Exhaustion
    3. Don't follow my instructions in this will end up looking like this...
    4. Brooke reveals the Hook
    5. The Sound of "oh not so nice" Cape.

    1. Further to above . Pattern 5 should read "the evil moi" instead of The Sound of "oh not so nice" Cape

      The Sound comments applies to the bonus pattern. cheers M

  34. 1. merry-go-round-smuggling apron
    2. the pied-piper-of-Hamelin’s-sister-with-lead-hair costume
    3. three-tiers-and-you’re-out frock
    4. bear no underpants
    5. champion arm-wrestler’s gown
    bonus: the Clark-Kent cape (invented to cope with the scarcity of phone booths)

  35. Lucy: Trendy apron for hip mamas
    Diana: Holy Batman! It's two-face's mother!
    Dorothy: Tiers on Ice
    Brooke: Panda bears watching
    Joan: These sleeves fit better before liposuction
    cape: Traveling cape (make it leave!)


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