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Jun 1, 2016

NAME THAT PATTERN -- Finally It's June Edition!

June is here at last -- a glorious sun-shiny day here in NYC -- and it's time to play!

Parenthetically, have you noticed that nobody is really named June anymore?  (Nor April or May for that matter)  Can you identify the famous June up top and explain why she's wearing an aluminum foil jumpsuit and holding an Ericofon? 

But I digress!  What better way to celebrate this glorious month than with another round of the internet's favorite pattern-naming game, MPB's exclusive NAME THAT PATTERN!

You all know the rules by now: I post photos of patterns I've found online, and you give them funny names.  As always, we have an amazing assortment of prizes, including an empty can of Final Net reputed to have been snatched from Donald Trump's Palm Beach dumpster!

With no further delay, let's get started.  Presenting PATTERN #1!

Stumped?  Perhaps this will stimulate your imagination:  PATTERN #2!

But wait -- there's more!  Put your hands together for PATTERN #3!

And now, something for the boys, it's PATTERN #4!

Friends, we're nearly done.  Here's PATTERN #5!

But wait -- as always, we have our BONUS PATTERN for you overacheivers.  Welcome PATTERN #6!

Readers, thank you so much for participating in this very special June edition of NAME THAT PATTERN.  Naturally, I'll be participating, along with Michael and, I'm hoping, even my Mom!  As you know, you can name any or all of the above patterns, but only those providing names for all six patterns will be eligible for Donald Trump's discarded can of Final Net.

Ready, everybody?  On you marks, get set, NAME THAT PATTERN!


  1. I would happily take the last 3

  2. 1. "Honey, I wallpapered the kids!"
    2. Can't wait to get pregnant/middle two have a f*rting competition/her on the right has rickets, pass the Vitamin D
    3. WTF?
    4. Sweaty pants. Do they even make nylon tricot now?
    5. Use Lynda Evans' shoulders as bookshelves
    6. What the best dressed will be wearing for this year's folk festivals.

  3. Peter,
    The foil-clad lady is actress June Lockhart, who starred as Maureen Robinson, mother of the Robinson family in the futuristic TV series "Lost in Space" (1965-1968). She's dressed in her astronaut suit, because that's what space travelers in the 1997-set future would all wear (or so we were led to believe!).


    1. From time to time I will say, "Danger, Will Robinson." And I get quizzical looks. But I recognized June Lockhart straightaway.

  4. 1. So you want to be a french oompa loompa
    2. Even Barbie can have a baby
    3. Elephants are people too
    4. Bring out the animal in your man
    5. Women's Football League, look elegant on and off the field
    6. Carnival Vest, when you don't have a funhouse mirror, but you really like the way you look in one

  5. 1. Mommy, we don't WANT to go to the gorilla cage.
    2. Everyone wondered why the whole secretarial pool was in a family way just months after Mr. Riddick was hired
    3. With Trump on the ticket, even the party mascot went off the wagon
    4. I knew if I kept this pornstache for 40 years, it would eventually come back into style
    5. These shoulders put the NASTY in Dynasty
    6. This pattern is stretching my patience

  6. Name those patterns? I'm trying to unsee them!

  7. 1. Why Children Murder Their Parents
    2. My Bump is Bigger than Your Bump
    3. Babar Goes Out to Play
    4. 1980’s Meets 1970’s
    5. It’s a Dress! It’s a Set of Café Curtains!
    6. Finally! A Way to Use Those Old Blankets!

  8. #1 All ready for the garden party, but NOT.HAPPY.ABOUT.IT!
    #2 Buy this pattern for all of your maternity wardrobe needs (and channel Jackie O.)
    #3 You too can create a toy elephant that enjoys gardening
    #4 Don't you mean "So Ugly" Patterns? Release your inner jaguar if you dare!

    #5 It may say "Dynasty", but this is really a pattern for a fantasy football team--look at those shoulders!
    #6 Perfect gift for those who want to masquerade as long tall tree trunks!

    Susan V.

  9. 1. Mommy, I found an oompaloompa at Willy Wonka's factory. Can I keep him? Pretty please?
    2. It's the incredible torso woman!
    3. Now joining Calvin and Hobbes in their downhill wagon adventures, it's Dewey the elephant.
    4. Underneath the corporate job you're not so tame.
    5. In my next magic trick I will saw a woman in half and then... oops... let me put this belt on you to hide that. Shall we try again?
    6. Rainbow Gathering Camoflage

  10. 1.We’re here for the audition, Mr Tenniel
    2.We are only showing a little! Tee hee!
    3. One and only is correct
    4. Flint Lingerie. I can say no more.
    5. Alternate costume for Dyna Girl//Dynasty League Fantasy Football Shoulders
    6.(despite the digital stretch…..) When Mom and Dad met at Woodstock

  11. #4 So that's what happened to Lord Lucan

  12. The Why Hello Fronts

  13. Lost in Space does product endorsement
    Buster Brown and an Oompa Lumpa have kids
    Pregnant clothes of yesterday, Everyday clothes today
    Pachyderm needs a pedicure
    Meet underwear model Rod Strong
    Shoulder Pad Dress provided by the Dallas Cowboys

  14. Danger Will Robinson! That is June Lockhart, Timmy and Lassies mom who decided to leave the earth to get Lost in Space with (hubba-hubba) Guy Williams. Those Robinson's were an odd bunch!

  15. Oh, it wrong that I kinda like the last pattern?

  16. 1. That year mommy lost her mind...
    2. The Six Mod Wives of Henry VIII
    3. Babar competes on RuPaul's Drag Race
    4. Wild-and-Crazy-Guy Panty Collection
    5. Crystal still wears her old Joan Crawfords
    6. "No, MINE is uglier!"

  17. Oh, it wrong that I kinda like the last pattern?

  18. 1. Oompa Loompa!!
    2. We are all preggers, ssshhhhhh! No one will know in these get ups
    3. I say what I mean and I mean what I say
    4. Yes. Leopard. Indeed.
    5. Yes, they ARE kickass shoulder, aren't they?
    6. Gumby. Gumby Longarm, what's your name sweetie?

    1. attack of the living - um... what exactly are they?
    2. Did nobody else notice the Devo headpiece worn by the woman on the left?
    3. Elephants never forget - though I'll bet this one wishes it could!
    4.The mustache just makes it for me. He'd look naked without it!
    5. Under all that armour where ARE her actual shoulders?
    6. And speaking of actual body parts, what's up with those arms?
    And by the way, I have a younger cousin named Sivan, which is the Hebrew equivalent of naming your daughter "April" - and she performs in a band called "April Maze".

  20. circus audition
    what Mary Richards would wear if Mary Richards were pregnant (Rhoda lent her a scarf)
    the real reason elephants don’t wear clothes - there is not enough fabric in the world for their layering ideas or puff sleeves
    our waitresses can balance six glasses of wine on their shoulders
    simplicity complicated

    oh-I don’t have an instagram account to respond there, but if those corks are real cork, cut them in half, and they make a perfect orchid-growing medium

  21. 1. Hollie Hobbie Hits the Town
    2. Life-sized Skipper (Barbie's friend)
    3. Babar's Best
    4. You Tarzan
    5. Me Jane
    6. Luke and Leah Search for Ewoks


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