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Dec 7, 2015


Dear readers, it's hard to believe that it's jingle-bell time already -- weren't we just carving pumpkins?

What better to play a special holiday round of the internet's favorite pattern-naming game, MPB's exclusive NAME THAT PATTERN!

The rules are so simple even Donner and Blitzen could understand them: I post photos of patterns I've found online, and you give them funny names.  As always we have some amazing gifts for our winners, including a rare collection of vintage Christmas fruitcakes, still in their original aluminum tins!

With no further delay, let's start our game.  Please help me welcome Pattern #1!

Not festive enough?  Here's Pattern #2!

We're not finished yet, friends.  Presenting Pattern #3!

Another gone-but-not-forgotten classic, Pattern #4!

Finally, it's highly collectible Pattern #5!

But wait, there's more -- as always, we have our BONUS PATTERN for those eager for just a few more pattern-naming thrills, Pattern #6!

Friends, I do hope you've enjoy this very special holiday edition of NAME THAT PATTERN.  Remember that you can name any or all of the patterns above, but only those who name all six will be eligible for the vintage fruitcake prize.  I'll be playing, too, as well as many family members as I can coerce.

On your marks, get set, NAME THAT PATTERN!!!


  1. Pattern #6: The ever-loved "About to be Robbed by the Grinch" children's quilt!

  2. 1. The latest in Muffin Tops!
    2. Babies are ugly-camouflage yours today! Now in a new holiday version.
    3. Indoctrinate your girls early with rigid gender roles! Stylish holiday baking attire for all the women in your household.
    4. Just Sit Still!
    5. Bringing Mary Poppins (unsuccessfully) into the later 20th Century.
    6. Holiday bedding for the whole family! With specialized pattern to cover up those indecent bedknobs. Twins not included.

    1. Funny. I also flashed on Mary Poppins for #5. More of a Mary Poppins in mourning ... over Bert? No, he's still with us. Maybe Michael Banks, poor thing, makes you think twice about visiting countries that may have hygiene issues. PB

  3. I was just thinking of this MPB feature yesterday when I saw this pattern

    1. A pattern I love so much, I finally BOUGHT one. Because it's the pattern for all occasions.

  4. Pattern #1: oh, dear gourd, my mother actually made me wear dress B; I thought I would be strangled by that ruffled neck - maybe next time you should have some sort of TRIGGER WARNING...

    Sorry, I was having a moment there. :)

  5. I'm flummoxed by this but there are two things creeping me out: why are the bedposts in 6 clothed? and why is snowman baby C in 2 sort of appealing?

    1. Because babies' faces are round and pudgy like the snowy dome of a snowman! I, too, was charmed.

    2. I also thought he was adorable.

    3. I thought he should be checked for mumps, but adorably so.

  6. 1.My sister and dolly are TWINS.
    2.Future wedding reception pictures, hehehe
    3.Holy Flapjacks Batman, look at those cookies
    4.But I DON'T WANT to be a flower girl.
    5.Russian Ninja/Bond Girl
    6.While Visions of Ornaments danced in their heads ... What?!?
    I like fruitcake, toasted and buttered. Just sayin

  7. #1 Redrum, Redrum
    #2 If only I could walk, I'd run away from you for making me wear this
    #3 Mom, mom, do you realize that my bare finger is on this freaking hot cookie sheet?
    #4 I hate this dress, I hate you for making me wear it!
    #5 The real ghost of Christmas past
    #6 Dog earring the Sears Wish Book.

    Love the patterns.

  8. 1. Mommy Murdered on Christmas Morning
    2 Honey I Baked the Baby
    3 Artifacts of Pagan Past
    4.Bad Seed Twin Couture
    5 Janice Dickinson's How to Pay for Plastic Surgery Collection
    6 All That I Want for Christmas is an Exorcism

  9. #1 Little Miss Muffet
    #2 Santa Baby
    #3 For all your female crafting needs
    #4 The Doctor Will See You Now
    #5 Didn't Quite Make it Under the Tree in The Nutcracker.
    #6 Is There a Crafty Cloud Hanging Over Our Heads?

  10. 1 Mom's revenge
    2 Grandmas run wild
    3 This means we have cookies for dinner, right?
    4 That man -- my dress scared him away!
    5 Grinch's big sister
    6 Crafty aunt run amok

    My gift to you!

  12. 1. The pattern parents should stop putting their kids in.
    2. Babies as lawn ornaments.
    3. Teaching kids to cook for themselves one burnt cookie or finger at a time.
    4. Don't get mud on that!
    5. The fashionable goth overcoat
    6. Granny squared up my bed.

  13. 1. Sissy and I
    2. Sumo the Snowman and his creepy lil friends
    3. Holiday Plethora
    4. Holiday Dress for good little girls
    5. Gucci Elf'n
    6. Sugarplums dancing (can also be used as a smothering device)

  14. I'm not sure if these are names so much as they are commentary, but here goes
    1. If we smile they can't tell we're in pain
    2. Desperate cries for help
    3. BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(aka geez mom, you couldn't make something nicer for Christmas?)
    4. I'm looking at the spot on the ground where I will bury you, and I'm already dressed for the funeral
    5. Black is still black.
    6. Christmas Quilt (Which will distract you from all the other ugly stuff)

  15. #1 Even as children there was something different about Tom and Steven.
    #2 Turn your toddler into a Christmas ornament!
    #3 "Look, honey, our gluten-free, vegan, protein cookies are ready for Santa!"
    #4 Genuine life-size Prissy doll with real hair that grows!
    #5 Wicked Witch Couture Collection
    #6 Conjoined twins Daisy & Violet Hilton dream of Christmas morning.

  16. 1. Little Orphan Osmonds
    2. Never Too Early for Cosplay
    3. Which cookie has the Xanax for Grammy?
    4. Mama Rose must die
    5. Steampunk Art Teacher Chic
    6. Why the Olsen Twins dress like bag ladies now.

  17. 1. Booby Trapped the Chimney for Santa
    2. It Counts As Cute Because Babies, Right?
    3. Keep the Christ in Christmas and the Women in the Kitchen
    4. Dress for Resurrection (While Celebrating the Birth)
    5. Krampus Suit
    6. Visions of Leaving Home Forever Danced in their Heads

  18. Oh my gosh, I stopped looking at the other patterns after seeing that cute pudgy-faced baby in a snowman onesie! I think #2 would be: “Mom, this isn’t funny anymore”.

  19. 1. Granny - KINS
    2. Kid cozies - no will no the difference
    3. Cookies like these deserve to have the very best
    4. Who's easy? Gathering all that fabric, easy?
    5. Burka-licious!
    6. Laura Gastly for the holidays

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  21. #2: I'm not a Big Fat Panda, I'm THE Big Fat Panda.

  22. 1. Festively Hideous Nightwear for you and your Dolly
    2. Traumatize & Immobilize your Baby for Xmas
    3. Mom & Daughter Aprons to help you make Honking-Big Xmas Cookies
    4. The Universal Stifle-Your-Daughter Dress, Jacket & Hairbow
    5. Hallowe'en Meets Soviet Winter Gremlin Coat
    6. Visions of Symbols Unrelated to the Real Meaning of Xmas Room Decoration & Quilt


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