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Oct 15, 2011

MBP CONTEST: Come write my blog!

Today, friends, for the first time ever, I'm handing over the proverbial car keys, or rather, the typewriter keys -- to you.  Yes, today, YOU get to write a post here at Male Pattern Boldness!  Exciting, no?

The rules:  Using the ten photographs posted below, please discuss my latest sewing-related adventure.  Be sure to incorporate the following words:
eBay, UPS, fragile, nightmare, incompetence

Optional words include bubble wrap, double-box, feedback, ulcer

That's it!  I'll announce a winner on Monday and there could be a valuable prize involved.  If you need some backstory, you'll find it here

Ready?  Here are the ten photos:

Can you turn these images into a story?

How, in your opinion, does this story end?  Is there a moral to the story?

I can't wait to read your responses -- I could use some cheering up, for reasons you can well imagine.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

OK....On your mark, get set, GO.


  1. Oh dear! I've had one of these exact same experiences....same machine too!
    I once received two dirty nasty pillows along with a sewing machine. I must say - it was a well packed machine- but totally yucky to deal with the pillows. Blech!
    My condolences Peter..... It really is a nice machine!
    :) Hope the day gets better!

  2. Under-sized box made this outcome inevitable. The machine should have been in its own box, which was then set into a larger box and surrounded on all sides with packing. Carton too small = NO protection. Flimsy box, too.

  3. eBay, UPS, fragile, nightmare, incompetence.

    bubble wrap, double-box, feedback, ulcer

    Communication, PayPal protection, photographic proof, claim filed, Happy Ending.


  4. Why....yes, yes it is! Poetry, yes indeedy.

    I just need to sew myself a poet shirt, and it will be official :)

    And, what is this? 4 comments? Where is everybody?

    They must be sewing boxers.....

  5. eBay, GASP, UPS, GASP!, GASP!!, fragile!!!, OH NO!, nightmare, @&%##+!!, incompetence...WTF?

    Where's the bubble wrap, double-box? Boy will they get my feedback! Oy..., my ulcer.

  6. Ustabahippie, you currently hold the lead.

  7. Haiku, but not using all the words:
    Husqvarna Viking.
    Some Assembly Required.
    Chihuahuas can't help.

  8. hmm my sincere condolences to you being taken for a ride for an online shopping adventure, i am not sure if online shopping is boon or bane, all i can say for sure is it is an addiction which i would like to get cured off, still waiting for my new pair of sandals after a fortnight since it was dispatch through an ever so slow courier who always delivers them late!

    it is irrelevant to your post, but what to do, i guess it is more or less on same plane and guess could be shared to reduce the agony and pain endured due to the transaction!

  9. ebay anticipation box chihuahas ooh new machine broken WTF frustration nightmare ono quick photos oh the hassle return compensation frustration d#mn just want the machine oh well bette davis sc ream or is that laughter ....

    The pictures really say it all. Thanks, as always, for the laugh Peter.

  10. I definitely need a break, what AM I writing? MBP, what the hack is that? Let someone else have a go at my blog today.

    Buying on eBay mostly is fun, but I can only draw one conclusion after my latest by: UPS doesn't have to merge with Federal Express to make me feel totally fragile and Fed-up. What a nightmare this last buy was, maybe time for bey-buy?

    I was so overthrown by this horrid experience that I even spelled my own blog name wrong when challenging my readers to ghost-write for me..... How much bubble wrap does one need to give one an ulcer?

    Readers: give me some feedback on this one please.

    Oh, by the way, double-box left out intentionally.

    Jan-Theo / NL

  11. Excellent, Jan-Theo. You gave us a good chuckle this morning!

  12. More than welcome, glad to be able to return the favour!

  13. The much-coveted Viking 6020 for 99.00!
    Peter was super-psyched!!
    But, 26.13 to ship a very heavy, Swedish made machine via Fed-Ex didn't seem like a lot of money to Peter."Please wrap that fragile machine in bubble wrap and double box it too," he said.

    KY-liquidators threw some plastic bags in a box. They dumped in the machine pedal, then tossed the 35lb metal machine on top.

    Peter's machine arrived. "Yay!" he cried to hios darling pups.
    Peter opened the box. "Oh dear," he cried, "my ulcer is acting up!" "These broken parts are NLA*!!!!!" Why do they have 100% positive feedback??

    Moral: KY-liquidators?????? Who names their business that? Was that a warning, or a clue:Incompetence ahead.

    P.S. Is the main cam intact?? It might be time for you to join the Yahoo Pre-1980 Viking group. Maybe you can use parts from one machine to fix the other.

    *No Longer Available

  14. Note: Think silent movies, with the following as title cards :)

    In New York City, Peter went to his Viking to zig-zag a seam and to his horror, the machine would not work.

    Quickly, Peter went to Ebay and found a Viking 6020, which he bid on and won.

    After a time UPS brought the Viking which arrived in this package!

    As the boys inspected the poor wrapped fragile merchandise, Peter feared a nightmare was in the making. He was correct – as he moved the bubble wrap he found.

    Oh NO! The top of the machine is against the side of the abused box.

    The front cover is tangled in the plastic wrap!

    OMG! Pieces of what???????????????????

    the exposed wires.......................................................................

    the shattered black connectors..............................

    and the casing damage.

    As the damage unfolds, Peter’s ulcer starts acting up. He dashes to the computer to contact the seller. He informs the seller of his incompetence stating that all sewing machine connoisseurs know that double-boxing (each machine must be loving packed in a box and that box securely placed in an outer box) is a standard method of shipping. After hashing out the steps for compensation, scathing feedback was left on the Ebay site.

  15. Ha! I'm personally loving the Emily Dickinson directions of this story. I have so been in this situation and over a lot of money... thanks for the humor!

  16. Oh, these are getting better and better!

    Sigrid, you get extra credit for independent research.

  17. UPS sucks. I will never, ever use them again after they dropped a computer monitor.

    Also... why are you still buying sewing machines?

  18. (A day late, but here goes....)

    While musing on the palimpsest of clutter that makes up his apartment. Peter realized that he had reared a whole litter of sewing machines, and like any good parent, had passed them on to enthusiastic new owners when the time was right. (In addition, the changing of the seasons and direction of the wind may had played a part.)
    Imagine Peter's horror as his trusty warhorse, the Viking 3240, decided not to play ball as he was in the midst of a Very Important Project and he had a blog deadline to meet. In despair, Peter flung himself at his laptop, and while cradling his PC in his arms was relieved to quickly find a replacement machine on eBay. While waiting for UPS to deliver his package, Peter continued to tackle his clutter (being deathly afraid that he might be reported and have one of those intervention nightmares on 'Hoarders'). When the package arrived, Peter led the household in the gentle unwrapping of the fragile new machine. Imagine their horror, nay, complete outrage at the wanton disregard and incompetence of the seller as they realized the new machine had not been packed like a piece of Dresden China, but flung into a flimsy box as if Joan Crawford herself has mistaken the machine for a wire coat hanger! Oh woe!
    Peter was so upset that he could not settle down enough to write his usual witty blog. Finally, after Michael and the dogs had taken some photos as evidence and Peter had refreshed himself by watching Bobby Van hop his way through an MGM back lot in 'Small Town Girl', Peter was able to tap together a simple and yet direct post in which he pleaded for his avid fans to help him out. Peter then retired to the chaise lounge, put an ice pack on his forehead, and waited with baited breath to see what his readers would come up with. Fin.

  19. Oh noooooo! Poor Peter! Poor Machine! I hope this travesty of (non)packing is resolved in your favour, and soon!

  20. Oh dear readers, unable to quell my want for more machines, I stumbled into the ebay realm. I know, the majority of ebayers are honest simple people; they stop to pick up litter in the street, pet old people's dogs, and fast forward goodness and kindness. This post is not about that majority.

    On the nightmare fringes of ebay, lurk the twilighters, bordering on the thin line between outright fraud and simple incompetence. Oh woe to those who win their auctions.

    These twilighters believe that their job is finished after a simple post and delivery. Did they check the shipping weight before posting their shipping charges? Did they research possible alternative shipping, did they carefully store recyclable shipping materials?

    Maybe this seller was trying to be careful. Perhaps the first choice of shipping was an egg carton, "Oh no, won't fit in there", the shipper said, "but wait, here is the golden opportunity to use all my flimsy plastic bags gathering dust behind my refrigerator. And, surely I can find some cheap, barely dented boxes in the dumpster at the dollar store."

    "Besides, everyone knows packing tape holds everything in place. And if its not really packed carefully, UPS will always repack this for me. Aren"t all the conveyor belts and trucks padded anyhow. Besides how many packages will be in that truck?"

    The shipper looks at the tucked plastic bags, the nestled sewing machine, tucks the box flaps in, attaches the label, and thinks,
    Who cares, thats why there is insurance, the buyer shoulda bought it.

  21. This is better than Mad Libs! LOL

  22. Nobody mentioned the Bette photo so here I go.
    Bette (aka Baby Jane) would have never put up with that shoddy packaging and misrepresentation of product. She would have put on her best hairbow and red lips and tapped her way to that sellers house and scared them to death with her singing or maybe some dead canaries on a plate...


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