Thank you for all your kind words about yesterday's video. Sadly my vaudeville career came to an abrupt end last summer after a tragic case of mistaken identity resulting in a tone-deaf chicken and a parrot with very little white meat. A setback.
My mother seems to be better; she suffers from a bit of vertigo now and then -- most unwelcome when you're 80.
So I came home yesterday to another lovely vintage pattern in the mail (the dress/jacket combo I showed you on Monday) and I started thinking about all the less-than-lovely patterns out there (I'm sorry, I care.). You know the ones; you've seen them, again and again, sitting on Etsy month after month, no price reduction sufficient to find a buyer, alone and unloved.
I decided it was time I did something about it. So I combed through the Internet looking for the absolute worst patterns I could find. My goal: to choose the one that's most appalling, purchase it and stitch it up. Cathy will model it whether she like it or not.
There were a few ground rules: no maternity patterns, no wedding gowns (though maybe something bridesmaidsy if suitably nauseating), and no costumes -- just dress patterns. Here's my top twelve. Are you sitting down?
PLEASE NOTE: Some of you may find these patterns attractive, and/or own/wear them yourselves. My choices reflect only my particular taste and that of the vast majority of style-conscious earth dwellers.
OK, it's over now.
As you can see, there is no shortage of unloved, abandoned patterns of yesteryear. They represent many decades of style (?) though perhaps one decade is overrepresented: can you guess which it is? (Hint: it's not the Seventies.)
I'm still hunting of course, as a few of these outfits tread that fine line between outrageously awful and in-a-dark-room-on-a-cute-hipster-just-maybe chic.
Perhaps you can steer me in the direction of something even worse. Maybe you own such a pattern yourself, alone-but-not-forgotten, in the belly of your sub-basement. As I'm not ready to do any major alterations, the pattern would have to be a 36" chest. (Postage would be your gift to me, oh, generous ones.)
What do you think, wise readers? Do they come worse than these? Do they bring back scary memories of proms/dates/job interviews past? In your opinion, which is the most deserving of a second chance to be mocked?
I leave it to you.
UPDATE: You can see which one I chose here, modeled by lovely Cathy Lane.
I'm a native New Yorker and self-taught sewing fanatic! I've been sewing obsessively since 2009 and today make all my own clothes using mostly vintage patterns and vintage sewing machines. Welcome to the warm and whimsical world of Male Pattern Boldness, where the conversation is sewing, style, fashion, fabric, and more!