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Nov 7, 2012

Things I Don't Get, Vol. 8: Toupees

Martial artist Chuck Norris

Friends, if ever there was a blog post that wrote itself, this is it.  Which is good, because I'm tired.

Why, oh why, does any man in this day and age still wear a toupee?  If Yul Brynner and Telly Savalas didn't make it OK to be openly bald decades ago, I present more contemporary evidence:

Hot...



Hotter...



DING, DING, DING!



This is who can get away with a toupee:  Film stars of yesterday who are (or were) simply too old to know better.







Camp icons like Liberace: rhinestones, rings, and rugs -- they go together.



Sadly, the late Tony Curtis didn't understand Rule #1 about toupees: if you must wear one, KEEP IT FLAT.  Tony also violated Rule #2 -- toupee OR radical face lift, but not both.



In closing friends, three questions:

1) In your opinion, are there men who actually look better in a toupee than bald/balding?  If so, who?

2) Do we only notice the bad toupees, thus leading to the assumption (mine anyway) that toupees are always obvious?

3) Have you ever loved a man with a toupee, and if so, did you ever try to talk him out of it?

Please help me, readers.  I just don't get toupees!


Comedian Rip Taylor rip his off at 4:44 -- oh, the beloved game shows of old!



62 comments:

  1. I don't get it either -- they never look real. What is the guy trying to prove? I know someone who wears one, and if you squint I guess he looks younger than he would with whatever might be under that thing, but he doesn't look good. Maybe he's afraid he can't NOT wear it now, after all these years of wearing it. But at least he could get another one with some grey in it so it looks a little more convincing RE his age. (My husband calls his own bald head "the solar panel for my sex machine.")

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  2. Oh, so NOT into toupees! I don't know if I've ever seen a good one... never loved a man who wore one; saved me from talking him out of wearing it!!!
    Context: both of my gene pools obviously carry the dominant bald gene; hence, I'm very comfortable with them.
    Harriet, I love the solar panel!

    Brenda

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  3. How can you not have mentioned Sir Patrick Stewart?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Véronique in MontréalNovember 7, 2012 at 9:03 PM

      Never mind that, Patrick Stewart's sexiness knows no boundaries !

      Delete
    2. Uh, Peter Sean Connery is not American.

      Delete
  4. You're so right Peter: bald is better!

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  5. Toupees and--do I even have to say this?--comb-overs both need to die. You're bald. Admit it. Admitting it is exponentially more attractive than fighting it or trying to fake it.

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    Replies
    1. too true on both, little black car...one of the triumphs of my life was to convenience my love that his combover was aging and unbecoming without uttering those two words or any others DIRECTLY...we sit behind a massive blown-dry-sprayed-to-beat-the-band combover @ symphony. hard to concentrate on music... toupees? yuuuuuuuck

      Delete
  6. Not sure how I feel. It is expected that women should wear hairpieces if they are balding. Is a hairpiece all that different than hairplugs? (Think John Travolta). They both look fake, just to a different degree. I can understand that some men would feel very vulnerable without some sort of hair. Besides, not all men can rock a bald head as well as you ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Is that it? Travolta got hair plugs? I thought it was a strange, short toupee. Whatever it is, a close shave would look so much better.

      Delete
  7. I've never seen a toupee that didn't look like one... I've worked a summer job at a post office and there was a regular customer who wore one of the most obvious toupees I've ever seen. Not only was it clearly fake, it also had a very unnatural jet black color, like someone who dyes their hair. It didn't match his face at all, so I guess he opted out of his natural hair color and went for something special instead. I couldn't help but giggle when he came by...

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    Replies
    1. Sorry Anneke, just have to jump in - perhaps the good ones were really good!

      Delete
  8. Which is worse: toupees or combovers? The worst combover I ever saw was a long, long strand of hair which had been meticulously spiraled to cover a large bald spot. It looked like a wispy cinnamon bun.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, combovers! I've NEVER seen one that looks good!

      Delete
    2. we once had a teacher at school with a massive combover, and on windy days it would just stick straight up like a giant hairy antenna and reveal his shiny, shiny head to the world.

      Delete
  9. There is an old guy at work with a really really bad toupee. It is hard to talk to him, it is so distracting. I prefer the bald. I'm not a big fan of the bad hairplugs a la Matt Lauer. But then women do some really silly things with their appearance as they age too. Bad wigs look bad on everyone but they can at least be removed. Bad cosmetic surgery is forever mutilation and that goes for all age groups. Tasteful tatooing is something of a lost art so don't feel left out Millenials.

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  10. OK, I have to chime in on this one...my hubby wears a toupee on occasion and always for his on stage bit...(at the end, he tears it off and shocks everyone (gasp! laughter...), so in that way it is cool) I absolutely hated it at first, now I am just used to it. It looks quite good, he is meticulous about blending (and so am I...used to work in a salon). Anyway...he makes a point that it is just fun to have hair sometimes that you can flop around. It's just like wigs or make-up or face lifts or...why to toupes get such grief? It's the BAD toupees that ruin it for everyone...(you can see him in all his different toupees www.peterpetty.biz)

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  11. Bald is gorgeous. So is hair. Bad toupes, not so hot.

    The Hubby is starting to bald (at 31) and his dad teases him about it. I don't see the big deal. Hair, no hair, still the same man I married, still hot.

    I don't understand this "striving for a youthful appearance" that Westerners do. People age, get over it.

    This rant brought to you by a woman that shaves her head.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Alex in CaliforniaNovember 7, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    I'm all for what can make a people feel better about themselves. Men or women - invest in the best hairpiece you can purchase and learn how not to make it look like a hairpiece. Same with breast implants. There a many women who have implants that do not look fake. All the bald actors you show are handsome men and all at one time or another have worn hairpieces in movies. It is fine if people don't feel the need to do any kind or restoration or enhancement - it's just great to have options. I have a co-worker who wears a hairpiece and it suits him. He said he began losing his hair at 18 and felt too old too soon. He said maybe one day he will not need it but that day has not come yet.

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  13. I might be slightly biased as my hubby is bald - started loosing his hair aged 19 (which coincidentally is when we met so I knew from the start!). He always cut it short, now I use the clippers every fortnight to keep it totally cropped (which is less work than shaving his head completely). I can't imagine him any other way. The only people who comment at all tend to be of his parents generation, it's much less of a big deal now. I'm not keen on toupees because I just don't understand the need for them but I guess if it makes someone feel more confident there's a benefit. Oh, and I vote for Patrick Stewart too - gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Check out Chris Lavin's awesome ode to Bald headed men:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t144cdYJj8U
    My husband is balding and I love the feel of his scalp, it is like a worn leather jacket - warm, soft and sexy.

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  15. For you, Peter, an all time favorite at our house: "Bud Light Presents Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer."
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vEledaaNxk

    And I am married to a sexy bald man!
    ~Kelly

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  16. Thirty-six years ago, when I met my future hubby, he was going bald. This was in the era of long hair and elaborate comb-overs - hair was *in*. This handsome 23-yr-old man did absolutely *nothing* to disguise his hair-loss, and I was so intrigued by his obvious self-confidence, I was putty in his hands. Still am.

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  17. The picture of Fred and Ginger is perfect. That doesn't look like her hair either.

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  18. Personnally, I can do without toupes, but if it makes someone feel better about themselves, go ahead. I can't stand the combover. The thing that strikes me is the difference between men and women and hair. I had a female aquaintance I used to see at the gym. Over about a year she lost all her hair due to an illness (not chemo). She was a lawyer and found she HAD to wear a wig in order to be taken seriously and not distracting people. She was OK with no hair, but others were not.

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  19. Please it's ridiculous. I think that the Sean Connery is still one of the sexiest men alive.
    My husband is balding and who cares? I didn't marry him for his hair.
    My son's good friend is Indian and when he was back in India for an 8 month field engineering assignment his parents decided that it was time to arrange a marriage for him. They were a train ride away from his work site. He's bald in his early 30's. Prospective brides families wanted to know if he'd get hair plugs. He was not amused. When I met him after this assignment he'd shaved his head. Not only is he an attractive man, he's smart,well educated, well read, well informed, nice and has a great job. What the hell was wrong with those women? He's a great guy. Their loss.

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  20. Pulleezzzeee! I have not a care in the world about any man's hair or lack thereof. Too many other things in the world to stress over!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sean Connery, Bruce Willis and Patrick Stewart are way sexier and better looking now than when they had hair. Mother Nature must not be denied.

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    Replies
    1. I could not agree more....a sexy man is a sexy man, hair or not. I also think that these men are MATURE and sexy....I've been lusting after Sean Connery since I was a twenty something and he was a 50 something--and he's never had hair in my memory.

      Delete
  22. It's like politics: the cover up is usually worse than the crime. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. BINGO ! This is the best way to put it.

      Delete
  23. Thanks for the game show clip - I had SUCH a crush on that host. I'll have to google his name....and doesn't he have a luscious head of hair?!

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  24. I loved a man with a recedeing hairline and a comb over with what was left over. There was more styling product in his bathroom than mine. I convinced him to shave his head while he visiting overseas and he has been a hot, sexy chrome dome ever since. We're friends now and every once in a while he thanks me for it, since his love life seriously picked up after that.

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  25. I don't understand them either, wearing a toupee is a really lame way to deal with a bald spot. If you feel that bad about it just wear a hat, or shave the rest of your head and wear a full wig.

    What's so bad about baldness anyways? It's a million times better than a comb over.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I don't like the idea of a toupee, but I do think you have to take pretty much everything like this on a case by case basis. Also, it is easy to say you don't like an obvious toupee, but suppose it's so good you can't tell? (...if that is possible.)

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  27. Yes to all 3 questions.
    Allow me to present:
    http://www.toupeeornottoupee.com/new_page_57.htm

    ReplyDelete
  28. My husband had a receding hairline when I met him. He was 29. Now he is quite bald, and what hair he does have is kept very short.
    An aside - he is very fit, the same weight as when we got married 21 years ago. He says Ï can cope with bald, but fat and bald, no way!"
    I agree that attitude to baldness is a gnerational thing. His mother, has to remind him of his baldness every single time. Very annoying!

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  29. I think this is one of those huge disconnects in communication between the sexes. Men think women care about a full head of hair, but women are like "Eh." Like how women think men like a woman with a face full of makeup, but men generally like a clean look. If that makes sense.
    -Sandra

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  30. My husband, who has been going bald for years, last spring decided enough was enough, and just shaved his head. I LOVE it!!! There's something about bald men!! ;)

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  31. Puh-leeze, men ALWAYS say they 'don't like makeup', but get them around women with NO makeup on and then watch what happens when a "painted floozy" walks in; they can't take their eyes away from her!

    I agree that many men understandably "don't like" women with drag-queenish-level "plastered-on" makeup, but believe you me, I've yet to meet the guy who REALLY, TRULY "likes" women with NO makeup on, EVER, either (and I don't mean the " 'no-makeup' makeup look"; I mean "no makeup at all")

    As for toupees, well, Frank Sinatra and Fred Astaire don't look so bad; at least their toupees reflect their appearance and age. I don't think Tony Curtis looks too bad, either! At least his toupee'd hair is silvered!he looks FAR better than, say, JOHN TRAVOLTA!
    Now, Chuck Norris looks like a toupee'd idiot; it's QUITE obvious he's wearing a toupee because a man his age simply does NOT have such dark hair, and it's generally not that THICK, either! And, it doesn't MATCH his obviously grayed facial hair, either!

    Any and all men with combovers should be forcibly held down and their combovers shaved off... I really DON't know who they think they are fooling! However bad a toupee looks, a combover is a hundred times WORSE. There oughta be a law...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, a law to allow forcible grooming!

      And while we're at it, ear tweezing should be included in the depilatory undressing.

      Sufiya, I'll put 'em in a head lock, or the much preferred Full Nelson, and you get to clippin' and yankin'. We'll tag-team for humanity.

      Delete
    2. There are some women who look gorgeous without makeup, but they usually are quite young. Most grown women are enhanced by a little makeup. I don't know if most men recognize the difference between a bare face and one with a bit of subtle makeup.

      Delete
  32. The first bald man I dated was when I was about 23. He was a dancer and built like a god, but he'd lost his hair very early. He was hot, hot, hot and since then I've had a bit of a thing for balding men.

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  33. My first thought was "What about the comb-over?" I have seen some very sad comb-overs in my time. Unlike toupees, comb-overs can never,ever fool anyone, and the self-deception involved reveals volumes about the person concerned. A good toupee goes unnoticed; a comb-over always shrieks out "Look at me, I still want to be considered a player, but I really don't have the confidence to be myself - and who am I really?!" And what about a comb-over in the wind!

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  34. Who is/was doing it right: Jude Law, Ted Danson, Humphrey Bogart,John Wayne, Ben Affleck. ¿Steve Carell?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Alex in CaliforniaNovember 8, 2012 at 1:10 PM

    Sufia - You're are right about men and what we say about makeup. I don't know what women really prefer regarding men with full heads of hair vs. balding men. What a man thinks the answer to that question may be the reason why he would wear a hairpiece. Do women really mean it when they say size doesn't matter?

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  36. I am one of those people who didn't understand for a long time what people meant when they said some guy was wearing an "obvious rug."

    As for toupees, they do seem silly, but it depends on the man. Not everyone looks good with a bald or shaved head. Although I would never insist on it because it's unrealistic, I prefer older men with hair.

    I don't think Tony Curtis looks bad.

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  37. OK, I must be very naive, because I'd have never guessed these men wear toupees. They look normal to me (well, except Chuck Norris), in a kitschy way.

    However, as someone who is terrified of losing my hair someday, I understand the thought process. Not everyone can sport a bald head ...

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  38. Not everyone has a skull shaped right to go hairless. I'm serious. You need to have a prominent occipital bone to pull it off I think.

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  39. Comb-overs are hideous, see D. Trump.
    I think the problem with toupees is that they seldom look like the hair the man should have.

    Bald is beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I love bold men that wear it well- my husband and his sibs are all balding and look great. Their father on the other hand has grown out his front tuft into a long swoop and shellacs it into a low ponytail. The boys refer to it as 'Dads windsock'....

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  41. I once worked for a guy who had a set of toupees in gradually longer lengths. He wore them in succession so that he could simulate growing hair. He'd just cycle back to the shortest one to simulate a 'hair cut'!

    He would have been mortified if he'd heard the comments that were made behind his back. I truly think he was fooling everyone.

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  42. That's 'I truly think he THOUGHT he was fooling everyone'.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Reply to Alex in California: (Sorry, I can't get the 'reply' feature to work on my computer)You asked: Does "size really matter" to women?

    I have, over the years, asked MANY women about this, and while yes, there is a faction to whom size DOES matter, I can assure you, that,for the most part: I can declare authoritatively: NOT AS MUCH AS MEN THINK IT DOES.

    In fact, a great many women (the majority, in fact) declared that they were actually put off by (or even "AFRAID of") "too much size". Of course, "size' is a relative term; it's a RARE male who isn't convinced that he is "lacking" in that department (the proliferation of pornography is directly to blame for this, I am convinced) even when he is "above average". From a woman's point of view, it's actually pretty RARE that we are put off by "lack of quantity" in THAT department; it's general ineptitude, insensitivity, and poor hygiene that come in as the most "off-putting" factors!

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  44. I don't have much to add to the toupee wearer discussion. (I don't think this has become a trend in the black community. We have balding men with half or one third of a head with locs instead. Equally offensive.)

    I just wanted to point out your glaring omission on the bald/balding and HOT list. STANLEY TUCCI!

    That is all ;p

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  45. I prefer the look of a man with hair. Some look good bald, but would look even better, to me anyway, with hair. I hate that bald bothers me, but it does.

    So, I guess I married the right guy, hairwise. We're both 56 now, and he has more, better hair than me. His hairline has barely receded at all, he has about 5% gray, and his hair is healthy, with plenty of shine. His father kept most of his hair well into bis 70s, when he died. I expect hubby will, as well. So, don't assume that all older men with a thick head of ungrayed hair are sporting rugs.

    I, on the other hand, have a thinning, frizzy, mess. I really wish I hadn't ever started dying it. I can't bear to go through the skunk stripe growing out period, but I really do not want to cut my hair super short, either. If I had a fabulous face, I might have considered that option, but I don't.

    I guess that's they key. It depends on the face (and the shape of the head, as some have mentioned.) The stronger the face, the less hair is needed.

    Most men look far better without hair, or with thinning hair, than do women. But if either wants to do something about it, I fully support that. Unless, of course, we're talking comb-overs. Anything approaching "the Donald's" diseased weasel look should be a capital offense.

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  46. A bald head is ugly as shit - period. For some men loosing their hair is as traumatic as a woman loosing a breast to cancer. The only difference is the man becomes an object of ridicule and disgust. Imagine how a mastectomy patient would feel if she was made into a laughing stock! Some men even commit suicide because they feel so repulsive. You know how you feel when you have a really "bad hair day," one of those days when you don't think you'll have to go out in public but some emergency pops up and you have to go to work or to the hospital. Take that insecure self conscience feeling, magnify it by ten thousand and imagine living every second of your life that way. Then imagine every second person you meet reminds you of how terrible you look. Of course all of the people who harass you have full heads of hair. This has been my existence for years. Is it any wonder some men opt for toupees? They almost always look like hell but for some are the lesser of two evils.

    ReplyDelete

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