Who You Callin' Ugly?

Friends, it is but a tired cliché that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yet isn't it the truth?  I open with this photo of Barbra Streisand because when she burst onto the scene in the early Sixties many people considered her to be ugly, and yet today her style is considered iconic.

And speaking of Barbra, if you'd like to dress up like the pregnant bride in Funny Girl,  I have just the pattern for you, Butterick 5564!

This is all my very roundabout way of getting to today's topic, which is ugly patterns.  I want to be clear from the outset, however, that patterns I consider ugly may be your idea of hello, gorgeous, and that's OK.  I'm not here to change minds.

I think there's so much focus at MPB on beautiful things -- beautiful clothes, beautiful wigs, beautiful bloggers -- that we sometimes need a palate cleanser, something to help us recalibrate our evaluation skills.

In the past, I've focused solely on patterns from the ugly decades (the Seventies & Eighties), but this feels much too easy.  Need proof?  Try this:

Or this:

Or THIS!  (I wonder if Bill Hackey ever sewed it up.)

Many people think there were no ugly pattens before the Seventies.   I am determined to change your minds.

Even I believed that the Forties were utterly ugly-pattern free.  Yet how would you like to be the six year old wearing Joan Crawford's old shoulder pads?

And honestly, who but June Allyson could have pulled off this yoked blouse, complete with Peter Pan collar and ruffles.  It's so sweet it makes my teeth ache.

And this patterned jumper -- busy, busy, busy!

But it was in the Fifties that we got our first glimpse of fashions gone haywire, as the Postwar frills got even frillier: bell sleeves, bows, crinolines -- it's all simply too much.

The alternative Fifties silhouette was the sheath.  But this late-Fifties version looks too much like a bottle of Palmolive dishwashing liquid.

Loud prints were the rage in the mid-Sixties, but surely this unfortunately placed strawberry is an error in judgment on a pattern marked Quickie.

Moving right along, the teddy nightgown was a terrible idea, but it's worse paired with long pajama pants, don't you think?

When considering ugly patterns, let's not overlook accessories patterns.   Those Renaissance Italy-inspired chin-strapped hats make me think only of wisdom teeth extractions.

Costume patterns seem like easy targets, but honestly, this is beyond the pale.

And now for the big finish:  The best of the worst:

Ugly.

Uglier...  (Kwik Sew 1926 if you're wondering)

Ugliest! 

Yes, friends, make the echt-Eighties over-sized, boxy jacket even bigger -- add fringe!

In closing, readers, I do hope your palettes are now sufficiently cleansed.  Truly, are there uglier than these? (If you can find any, let me know.)  Tell the truth: some of you like a lot of these patterns, don't you?  I'll bet some of you own a few of them, too.

If anyone has fringe fantasy Kwik Sew 2031 in their stash, speak up!  We don't want to embarrass you; we want to help you.

Happy Monday,  beautiful people!