Readers, one of my oldest male friends is getting married tomorrow and we're invited. It will be my first gay wedding!
It's being held in a cabaret space in midtown at noon; it's a luncheon. The invitation says "cocktail attire."
I'm not sure what to wear and could use your help.
OPTION 1: the vintage 70's sheet suit I made last year (originally intended as a muslin for a suit I never tackled). I finally hemmed the pants and added buttons to the sleeves today, so it's ready to go.
The shirt is lavender voile with a white collar.
QUESTION: Could I get away with wearing pristine white Vans slip-ons instead of shoes, or are shoes a must?
If shoes, I'd wear these Gucci loafers picked up at a consignment shop years ago.
I don't think I need a tie, but if I do wear one, I thought I'd go with solid black to match the shoes -- plus it's the only solid tie I have. I can't add another pattern to this ensemble without spontaneously combusting.
Is it just too much?
It is Easter weekend, and to quote Michael, If you can't wear that suit to a gay wedding at Studio 54, when can you wear it?
He has a point but I also have to feel comfortable; plus I don't want to steal too much focus from the grooms.
So here's OPTION 2: flowered jacket with white linen pants, black tie and black loafers. A little less Carnaby Street but still fun.
Finally, there's OPTION 3: navy linen blazer and gray pants.
Too boring?
I've limited myself to garments I've sewn, which is pretty much all I have in my closet at this point.
What do you think -- option 1, 2, or 3? Something else entirely?
Have a great day, everybody, and thanks a lot!
Posts
They say the bridesmaid should never outdo the bride, the same adage applies to the groom and I think with 1 and 2 you'll be outdoing both!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE option one with the black accents. (You MUST wear the hat!)
ReplyDeletePlease DO NOT wear option three! You look handsome, but not like you. It's too bland.
What do I do with the hat when I get there though?
DeleteStan Laurel impersonations on demand?
DeleteIt's bad etiquette to remove your hat before the mother of the bride - I don't know how this applies with two grooms…perhaps it means you have to keep it on permanently?
what about option three but the shirt is all wonderfully you...kinda business on the outside and party peeking out?
DeleteAt weddings I've been to In the UK you would leave your hat with overcoats in the cloakroom (check whether someone will be manning the area first though to make sure it doesn't get squashed etc), or discreetly place it under your chair (last resort). Etiquette would suggest you (as a man, I know it's unfair, sorry) should remove yours once inside regardless of whether the MOB has or not. I find the action of removing hat and subconsciously fixing hair really attractive - such nice attention to detail. In terms if outfit, I'd vote for #2 or the blazer from #2 + slacks from #3 (if they suit each other). How fun! Rachel ☺P.S apologies if hat etiquette differs in the US!
DeleteOption 1. I agree with Michael, "If you can't wear that suit to a gay wedding at Studio 54, when can you wear it?"
ReplyDeleteFrom what you share on your blog, It's your style. Your a flashy dresser.
PS: I love gay weddings, there is so much joy!
For me (but I'm a grouchy old lady), the whole suit is a bit much but for an Easter weekend, I think the flowered jacket and the linen pants are perfect. The dark outfit is depressing.
DeleteMaybe number three with a dazzlingly patterned tie.
ReplyDeleteOption 1, definitely, with the bowler, black tie and gucci loafers. It's the equivalent of an Easter bonnet and will make you and everyone else smile.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree! With just one caveat - if this old friend is NOT as snazzy a dresser as you, then Option 2.
DeleteBut what about wearing one of Cathy's AMAZING cocktail dresses?
option one, go on, I dare you!
ReplyDeleteI like Option 2 the best, but if you're comfortable with Option 1 (with the Gucci shoes) then I say DEFINITELY go with that.
ReplyDeleteMHO, I'm with option 2. Option 1 is a bit over the top, option 3 isn't festive enough. Go for the baby bear, just my size one. :-)
ReplyDeleteOption 1 is great, but more for the after party maybe ...
1 is fabulous! But, as someone who's everyday style is rather, um, out there, I usually downplay my clothes for weddings to make sure the happy couple has all the focus on them, thus, I might go with 2. Still creative & fashionable, but less scene-stealing.
ReplyDeleteThe Buddhists advise the Middle Path - and in this case, so do I! #2 is great for a Studio 54 vibe without demanding ALL the attention.
ReplyDeleteOption 1, definitely, with the black shoes, tie and hat. Have fun! You don't know what the grooms will be wearing, maybe 18th century silk brocade jackets ...
ReplyDeleteWithout knowing what the grooms are wearing, it's hard to know if you would steal focus. But if there's any possibility, than option 2 might be better...it still looks like your style.
ReplyDeleteSince you are attending to celebrate with the happy couple, you might not want to take center stage. I think choice three with a brighter shirt and tie would be perfect.
ReplyDeleteLove the lavender voile. Wear what you would want people to wear to celebrate an important event in your life.
ReplyDeleteI'm hung up on that black tie as I associate a long black tie with funerals! Maybe Michael has something you could borrow?
ReplyDeleteoption 2 wins it for me - you look good but not boring, and its not crazy attention grabbing, but option 1 is faaaaaar better than option 3! :)
ReplyDeleteGo for option 1 with the hat and Gucci shoes, you look custom designer made fabulous! And you owe it to the happy couple to style it up to celebrate their big day :)
ReplyDeleteHow about the navy blazer with the flower pants?
ReplyDeleteThat could totally work.
DeleteGreat suggestion. Maybe with a white pocket square for the jacket.
Delete(Ditch the tie?)
I'm torn, you pull off all three looks very well. But Michael does have a point. I say, wear what you're comfortable in and have a great time celebrating your friend's joyous occasion.
ReplyDeleteOption 1 is awesome - love the hat, tie, and shoes. It's fabulous, and this is definitely a fabulous occasion.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI think it is possible to overdress at a wedding.. If you go with #1, it seems like you're making the statement that you want the attention. #2 shows off your style without too much focus grabbing. #3 isn't what I've come to expect from your style :)
I love option 1. Having said that, when I went to my first gay wedding some years ago now my mother (in her 90s and my good manners guru) recommended wearing a hat and getting a bit more dressed up than I might have otherwise for an outdoors wedding in upper 90's weather to demonstrate solidarity and honor the importance of the occasion. So I did, pink linen, heals and a hat with roses.
ReplyDeleteThus, option 1.
Ceci
If it were MY wedding, I would want you to wear the full floral suit... then again, I got married barefoot on a beach with a bunch of random strangers and dogs hanging around. Um, maybe I'm not the person to ask about wedding etiquette...
ReplyDeleteOption 1, with the Gucci shoes and the hat - it's an amazing outfit and brilliant for a spring wedding! Hope you have a really fun day :)
ReplyDeletei'm going to be the stodgy gay outlier here, but i'm voting for #3 for several reasons:
ReplyDelete1) the invitation says "cocktail attire," which to me seems more dressy and refined than flashy
2) you really don't want to take attention away from the happy couple, so unless they say it's ok, i'd be reluctant to stand out.
3) i think the hat must be worn with outfit #3, though.
BUT, that floral suit is to die for, and it's true that if you can't wear it there, your options are even fewer for it.
Maybe something a bit more refined, however still very much you. What about the navy linen blazer with the blue toile pants? A bit more in the middle between the extravagant floral suit and the austere #3.
ReplyDeleteOption 3, without a doubt...and I sat here laughing out loud at what Michael said about the flowered suit.
ReplyDeleteHey, my comment got eaten. Go with option one. It's joyful. Option 3 is for your graduation photo. What your friends want to know is that you're happy for them. It's impossible to upstage the couple at a wedding, unless they're not actually happy to be getting married. (Who wears cocktail attire at midday anyway? Altho I accept that NYC is likely to be a tad more sohpisticated in that regard than small town New Zealand). I can't remember what a single person at my wedding was wearing, including , ahem, my partner (some sort of pretty outfit), except my five year old nephew who chose a dinner jacket and bow tie for himself. He wasn't worried about upstaging.
ReplyDeleteUnless you seriously fear that one of the grooms will be wearing a floral-sheet based ensemble, then you will not be in competition. Go for it
I LURVE option 1. If your friend is the kind who would appreciate it, too, then I say there's little risk in offending the wedding party. I know I would love it if someone showed up in that at my party!
ReplyDeleteAnother vote for number 2. Number 1 is a bit attention grabbing and number 3 looks boring, like something my conservative dressing husband would feel comfortable wearing, in other words so not you. Or what Beca said, the toile pants.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful time at the wedding!
I like # 2. It's not as wild as #1 but not boring like #3. It looks great
ReplyDeleteOption 2. It's the perfect balance of the looks. I hope you have a fabulous time. Please post a pic of you and Micheal all dressed up.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Cathy? isnt's she invited?
ReplyDeleteThat's the option I'd go for if I was invited to a wedding like that. My alter ego has never gone to a wedding.
DeleteI think you risk upstaging the grooms in the floral suit (though I love it). Hate to say this, but you should probably go conservative (or with the floral jacket only).
ReplyDeleteOption 1 without a doubt... I'm with Michael and others.. if you can't wear that to a Gay wedding where else could you wear it. Looks great.
ReplyDeleteSorry, none of the above :( The first two are just meh, and the last one is too formal. I'm sure you have more options to consider.
ReplyDeleteCathy might be a scene stealer. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but even at your most flamboyant, you're just not in her league. Have fun!
ReplyDeleteMy 2 cents - Option 2, but lose the tie. Or if you feel a tie-wearing is important at a wedding change the white linen pants for the grey pants.
ReplyDeleteAs an aside - you can tell from the body language of the Garland/Minellis and the look on Peter Allen's face that that marriage was doomed from the start.
Love all three, but if I had to chose it would be #2.
ReplyDelete#1 looks like a fabulous Helen Lawson outfit, but might
outshine the grooms and you might be "forced to perform a lively number". #3 is plain, but you still look tres handsome. so #2 is splitting the difference and a slight nod to Easter. Save #1 for easter parade with all the frills upon it or the reception.
OMG, Helen Lawson -- that totally made me laugh. So right! (I'll wear my red wig.)
DeleteIt won't flush.
DeleteTotally option 2! It's dressy and unexpected :)
ReplyDeleteI love option 1 (with hat, tie and shoes) soooo much, I would have loved to see somebody at my wedding dressed like that. #3 looks like you are dressed as a "very serious" character for a play. But that's just me.. and as this is your one of your oldest friends, you probably have a good idea if upstaging will be a problem. (I also threatened to lock my maid of honor in a closet when she bought an ivory dress to wear to my wedding, so I know that side of it too.)
ReplyDeleteAlso, what is your +1 wearing?
The sheet suit says happy.
ReplyDeleteI cracked up at Michael's comment about #1, but an entire flowered suit still strikes me as a little over the top. I'm leaning toward #2 or #3 (and partial to #2). You look great in both! #3 is probably more of what they had in mind with "cocktail attire,"-just a step down from formal, black tie, right? But I love the summery look of the white trousers and the floral jacket after this long winter!
ReplyDeleteWhat is Michael wearing?
Option 3 is very BLAH and looks as if you haven't planned for this special occasion ~ a wedding IS a celebration.
ReplyDeleteOption 1 is just sooooo you, but a wedding isn't the place to wear something outlandish ~ you don't want to be the guest that everyone is pointing at.
Option 2 I think is a great melding of style, smartness, and consideration of the legal, fun and formality of the occasion. It says you are a considerate guest on the most important day in your friends life.
But ultimately it doesn't matter what you wear, as long as you are there to celebrate the day ... J
Ooh, how fun! To me, option #2 seems best- I really, really like the whole flowered suit, but I would worry a little bit about upstaging the happy couple. Also, I'm really digging the bright jacket with the clean, white pants. Sassy!
ReplyDeleteOh, we're all so excited! Option 1 with the Gucci loafers and don't pass of the occasion to wear the hat. You'll add so much to the wedding. Have fun!
ReplyDeleteJeannie in Seattle
Personally, I think you look fabulous in the flowered suit and the black accents are a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteHow about actually wearing what they ask for? Its not polite or stylish to steal the attention from the couple. Im sure you can get the needed focus in a more subtle way.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha. Looking back at the pictures, #3--even the dog in the background thinks that ensemble is a big snooze fest. That pooch knows fash-ee on. Gotta trust the kids.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to tell you, but I did enjoy the pics of Rock, Peter, and Lee, speaking of gay weddings. Hm...are the grooms classy control freaks (look three with a more festive tie and the expensive loafers) or more relaxed (look one or two--you can wear white if there's no bridezilla). If they're avant guard, wear the man-skirt. God, I hope it's more fun than a straight wedding.
ReplyDeleteI really like 2 with the hat. Not 3.
ReplyDeleteThe suit pants makes your legs look skinny. You must do the tie.
ReplyDeleteI would go with Option 2 but with a different (happier) tie. Have fun!
ReplyDeleteOne. Please wear ONE. Black shoes and hat.
ReplyDeleteYou look fabulous.
I think it depends on the couple and what they would not want you to wear to their wedding. I have been to a couple of gay weddings. One couple were very classy and conservative so everyone basically dressed according to their wedding. Another couple were more relaxed and wore bold colors and they wouldn't mind what you wore. It is polite to make sure the attention is not on anyone but the happy couple.
ReplyDeleteOption 2, ditch the tie.
ReplyDeleteYou only look really happy in outfit #1. Your friends MUST know how fabulous you are so don't disappoint them. Joyful and show stopping--be yourself. I am pretty sure that neither grooms will be wearing a full floral suit, so really, not like wearing a white dress to a strait wedding. Please do let us know what you chose. I am a recent fan and look forward to seeing the new colorful things you bring.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, there must be pictures. :)
ReplyDeleteI vote for option 2, because the jacket is to die for. But, please, add the hat!
ReplyDeleteSince these are long time friends of yours, consider how they will be dressed and choose accordingly. That said, I would go with Option 2 or 3. Unless everyone else is wearing bright colors and patterns, option 1 would take away the focus from the happy couple.
ReplyDeleteGo for option 2. As many people have commented its a good balance between stylish, fun and sophisticated.
ReplyDeleteHave a fab time ; )
Option 3 with a tie that is brighter. Never outshine the happy couple. Better to underdress than to stand out for all the wrong reasons.
ReplyDeleteOption 1 with the bowler is for the Easter parade....whenever that is in NYC.
Ok so I say split the difference. I don't like the "baggy" sort of mime costume appearance of such a slim blazer with linen pants in look #2 so I think you should take look #3 and wear your floral blazer with it, no tie!
ReplyDeleteDo wear number two? That jacket is so full of joy, and if you can't be full of joy at a wedding then when can you be? The full suit is a little too Max Miller for a wedding IMHO: (If you've not heard of him, check this out) http://youtu.be/Nm61yavCp-o
ReplyDeleteNo one no for me. You don' t want people thinking you purposely went to be noticed more than the couple. I do like number 1 but time and place. No 3 for a conservative wedding, maybe. No 2 for me injects a little of your personality but also recognises you are going to an wedding. Wear number two. I love it
ReplyDeleteSSB. https://facebook.com/sassysewingbees
Excuse all the typos early in the UK and just risen. Effectively no to number 1. Love it but time and place. Only you can decide, imagine scenarios, and place yourself in them. For example if I turn up and they have all got sombre suits on will I stick out like a sore thumb or will I look interesting but still dressed for the occasion. If I arrive and they all have funky suits on will I look like a stick on the mud and look boring. No 2 covers both occasions, a bit of funkiness tempered with the white trou. One and Three would not sit good in both scenarios in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteGrey trou I meant lol.
ReplyDeleteOne of your oldest friends? If it's one of mine, he's 70 and option #3. If you've known him a long time, go with option #2. Doesn't look needy, looks happy. Cocktails at noon seems a little early in the day...... And thanks for the Minnelli Family Photo at the end; yes, there would be one for that, wouldn't there?
ReplyDeleteHave you tried the floral blazer with the grey pants--those might be the perfect combo for this event.
ReplyDeletei suggest option 1, one question do you have other colored shoe's apart from black shoes? I think light colored shoes would be better
ReplyDeletegreetings from Germany your follower Paula
Option #2 is my first choice. I like option #1 but maybe with the white vans and a white hat if you one.
ReplyDeleteYou look great in option 1, but you would outshine the couple and that's not on. I prefer the pants of option 2 and the jacket of option 3; or option 3 with a colourful just-you shirt! I'm so glad gay weddings are legal nowadays, and wish both men much happiness in their married life.. Have fun! Anne-Marie
ReplyDeleteLove option 1, but 3 is the only way to go. You can't outshine the couple and no one will look anywhere but at you with either of the first two. I suggest you come visit us next year down here in Richmond for Easter Parade on Monument Avenue where your suit would be perfect! http://www.google.com/search?q=richmond+easter+parade&client=safari&rls=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=NERSU-3iJq2gsASR04HABg&ved=0CEYQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=858
ReplyDeleteNone of them, sorry. Don't know what cocktail dress is in NYC. If you don't have a 4th choice, then option 3 with bright shirt +/- tie, not black or option 3 with floral jacket. Not so keen on trousers in option 2 but may be the best option for you.
ReplyDeletei think option one is fabulous! and i kind of like it best with white vans!
ReplyDeleteIf you want to be the center of attention, Option 1. Option 2 if it feels like spring in NY and your friend totally "get you". Option 3 is absolutely suitable, but ditch the funeral tie and grab something as colorful and fun as Options 1 and 2.
ReplyDeleteOption 2 still has your unique flair and shouldn't draw too much attention from the happy couple.
ReplyDeleteI like #2, esp as URBANITE says, if you think your friends "get You".
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I really wouldn't wear any of them (please don't take this as an offense!). 1: too flashy for the occassion, seems too attention-seeking for a wedding - and if you already worry about feeling self-conscious or uncomfortable in any way, it's not the right thing to wear, 2: black tie with white trousers and flowery jacket - the mix doesn't work in my opinion. Maybe the grey trousers with the flower jacket and a lighter-coloured tie would work better.
ReplyDelete3: nooo, too boring and conservative. Not you.
This is of no help, right?
Option 1! If it was my wedding, I would love to see someone wearing something so cheerful and fun.
ReplyDeletei love you in all of your 'makes' but i prefer either Option 2 or 3; unless the house of worship requires head covering, hat should be doffed upon entering the building: therein creating security problem mentioned above. all three outfits are FAB. what is Michael wearing?
ReplyDeleteOption 1 because Michael is right.
ReplyDeleteOption 1 is wild, and Michael's comment is spot on. Go for it. But #2 is grand too.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about "outshining" the groom and/or bride. It's their day, and its not possible to outshine them, as some here have suggested. (Unless your name is Pippa and you're holding part of the bridal gown.) They will be front and center and everyone will be paying attention to them, and want to talk to them, and want to party with them, not you. So go for it.
number 1 joyous, think this is great for the occasion.
ReplyDeletenumber 2 lovely, if you feel less comfortable in 1 then this is the perfect choice
number 3 NO1 dull, dull, dull.
Voting for #2!
ReplyDeleteSEND CATHY!
ReplyDeleteI love option 2. The black tie looks so great with the light blues and greens in the floral. I'd love to see this with black pants as well.
ReplyDeleteIt's way too easy to overthink what to wear to a wedding. Wear what makes you feel good. It'll be fine!
I think it might depend on the couple getting married? If they are Wall Street/Pottery Barn types, then I'd go with option #3. If they can still close down a bar, but also have a parenting streak deep inside, then I'd go with option #2. If they never miss a Pride Parade and know a few drag queens, then you are totally safe with option #1 (go with the Gucci, too). In the end, trust your instincts. What do YOU want to wear?
ReplyDeleteAsk the couple about it. Find out what they are wearing before deciding. I love option 1 though. What fun!
ReplyDeleteOPTION 2!!
ReplyDeleteI don't like the tie in any of the photos, something lighter coloured definitely. If you still got some of the material for the suit, could you whip up a bow tie out of it?
ReplyDeleteOption 2 I like best because it's you, option 3 does not look like you.
Option 1 is very you but only suitable if the couple doesn't feel that you might upstage them. The part of the invitation that you show looks quite conservative plus it says cocktail attire therefore it would really pay to check before you decide on number 1.
How about the trousers from option three with the flowered jacket??? Not too over the top but edgy all the same.
ReplyDeleteLee
I would love to know what you ended up choosing...
ReplyDeleteJudith in Ottawa
Number 2 but I don't like the black tie with it, or the black shoes. Sounds like a great day.
ReplyDeleteFloral jacket with grey pants and black loafers and the black tie - you will look dashing but not overpowering anyone
ReplyDeleteI hope you wore the first option even though the second is most appropriate.
ReplyDeleteUse your own best judgement!!!
ReplyDeleteThe grey trousers with the floral jacket would be gorgeous, plus a simple grey tie and white shirt. Perfect balance :-)
ReplyDelete