tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post7639053152660709302..comments2023-10-20T08:27:40.314-04:00Comments on male pattern boldness: Introducing MPB's "Rules to Live By"Peter Lappinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05109154527996679077noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-58913046107694939372013-01-11T22:05:11.583-05:002013-01-11T22:05:11.583-05:00Nope I haven't. I am not a really intense per...Nope I haven't. I am not a really intense person. Most jobs I resigned from because I wanted to. I never really encountered any bad employers because I probably would of left after a couple of days. I know this might sound terrible, but I just cut people off if I think they are toxic, family included. <br /><br />The only revenge that I can remember is when I was living in Australia. I was living with a guy and another girl. The guy was very manipulative. He was in a serious relationship with another guy who was a chef.<br />Anyway, this particular night he told me that he was going out and if his chef friend called tell him that he was not home. I said OK.<br />His chef friend kept calling asking where he was because he was suppose to be coming to his house for dinner and he was concerned that he had an accident. After several phone calls I told him the truth that he had actually gone out, and I was so sorry that he had put him in this situation. <br /><br />In the morning his car had been keyed, his tires slashed and obscenities were written all over the windows. Apparently his chef friend lay waiting for him behind a neighbor's tree and saw him getting off the back of another man's motorbike. He apparently did this when we were all asleep. What was surprising was that he was shocked that someone would do this to him. I said to him why would you allow him to think that you were coming to his home when you weren't, and why not tell him you were going out. He said he wasn't sure if it was going to work out with the motorbike guy. The girl I shared with lied constantly. I never shared any house or apartment again after that. Josettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17470039217443534947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-14409721243777547922013-01-11T18:38:20.652-05:002013-01-11T18:38:20.652-05:00Personally, I would avoid this person. If you see...Personally, I would avoid this person. If you see him, acknowledge him -- it takes too much energy to ignore somebody and it's a little high school -- and let that be that. He sounds like a very disturbed man.Peter Lappinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05109154527996679077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-51608310706232921002013-01-11T18:14:40.924-05:002013-01-11T18:14:40.924-05:00I have a similar story to Jen's above, but wit...I have a similar story to Jen's above, but with a shorter history. A few years ago, I met a man from Sydney at a convention here in Melbourne - we had a lot of interests in common and we became (I thought) close friends on Facebook. The following year I went to Sydney and spent the day with him at a similar convention. I was aware that he had some issues, but didn't feel they impacted me at all.<br />I bought some items from him and made him some gifts but then one day I got an email from him (and a phone text) asking me to remove his email and phone numbers from my address book and not contact him again. He had not only unfriended me on F/B, but had removed my access to one of the groups we were both members on. The last email I had from him was a rant about how "we" had made his life hell and what did he do to deserve it?<br />He didn't respond to any of my emails or texts asking what it was I had done wrong. I'm fairly convinced that he has me confused with someone else, and/or that he has been told that I did something which I didn't do. I have NO idea what I'm supposed to have done or said to upset him so much, and he's not telling.<br />My concern is that there is another batch of similar conventions coming up in the next 6 months or so, both here in Melbourne and in Sydney, and there's a possibility that he may be in attendance. How am I supposed to react if I see him there? Am I supposed to ignore him in person? Or run up and accuse him of ignoring me? Is there an official etiquette on how to behave when this sort of thing happens?Jen in Oznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-8356571126480674722013-01-11T10:12:05.563-05:002013-01-11T10:12:05.563-05:00Bingo!
http://malepatternboldness.blogspot.com/20...Bingo!<br /><br />http://malepatternboldness.blogspot.com/2010/04/we-have-winner-official-mpb-sewing.htmlPeter Lappinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05109154527996679077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-10270398959410829652013-01-11T10:01:07.040-05:002013-01-11T10:01:07.040-05:00A comment totally unrelated to the matter at hand,...A comment totally unrelated to the matter at hand, but I have a question for Peter. How is it that every time I see you in the header of this blog, you remind me of the Singer Genie sewing machine? :-)Mario Landermannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-40435301496843205092013-01-11T09:53:14.634-05:002013-01-11T09:53:14.634-05:00I have learned that revenge, to call it that way, ...I have learned that revenge, to call it that way, is never constructive. Granted, it may damage the object of the revenge, but it will also damage you in the long run.<br /><br />There have been a few people that I would have been justified to seek revenge upon, in the course of my life. But instead, I applied that old, but still true principle : whatever you do to someone, good or bad, will return to you.<br /><br />Following that principle, it stands to reason that doing good things can prove more constructive. And the revenge you forfeited sometimes happen in unexpected ways.<br /><br />When you do encounter a former "enemy" that is down on his luck, the true test of strength is to help that person regain her footing.<br /><br />But whatever you do, good or bad, will return to you. I have seen that proven so many times that it is a belief for me.Mario Landermannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-55961887757719402022013-01-11T03:21:37.097-05:002013-01-11T03:21:37.097-05:00Oh dear, this good advice might be too late for me...Oh dear, this good advice might be too late for me. A good and valued friend, whose political views are not the same as mine, just forwarded me a pro- gun, anti tax tirade described as 'wise words from a father to a daughter'. I replied "Sorry, but these 'wise words' were actually written by an ignorant arsehole". I hope we're still friends.Maehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01471643987029247042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-71455439919789085282013-01-11T02:02:53.563-05:002013-01-11T02:02:53.563-05:00Whoever said "The Universe is my hitman"...Whoever said "The Universe is my hitman" is my new hero.<br /><br />Frankly, I love revenge. When someone hacks me off horribly, I spend several happy hours plotting the most elaborate, Gothic vengeance. When I reach the point where I'm laughing maniacally at my own fiendish cleverness, I'm over the anger and there's no need to actually carry out my evil plans.<br /><br />Which is good, because some of those plots could easily have landed me in the hoosegow. <br /><br />The only way I've ever burned a bridge is to simply cut off contact with people who suck the joy out of my life. I'm in the process of severing contact now with someone who only calls me when she's in the middle of some self-inflicted drama. I've commiserated, I've counseled and I've coached, but she insists on remaining firmly attached to her troubles. I don't have time for it anymore.<br /><br />Thank you for this post, Peter. I can't wait to read tomorrow's rule.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-34649535114700750732013-01-11T01:13:55.388-05:002013-01-11T01:13:55.388-05:00Jen, I think chaotic, dramatic people need a lot o...Jen, I think chaotic, dramatic people need a lot of time for reflection on their own life so there shouldn't be any hard feelings between you and your friend. Your friend just may need time to sort out things in her head and take care of things in her life. If I were you, I would just let time pass until your friend contacts you to make amends.Sergehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05423854116494784014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-71098001695513494642013-01-11T00:58:28.394-05:002013-01-11T00:58:28.394-05:00Yes, I have a burnt a bridge or two in my day. Lo...Yes, I have a burnt a bridge or two in my day. Lol. A boss I had was a jerk to me because I tried to be cheerful at work but he wasn't having it. It seemed that he was bitter about life. Anyway, one day I had enough of his crap and decided to just vent out what I was feeling and cussed him out like there was no tomorrow. Needless to say, I was fired but it felt so good to just release all that anger I had towards him.Sergehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05423854116494784014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-15031353428951026222013-01-10T21:03:20.698-05:002013-01-10T21:03:20.698-05:00Two things: Homicide is not necessarily worse for ...Two things: Homicide is not necessarily worse for the victim than for the murderer -- it depends on how quickly and/or painlessly the victim died, and whether the murderer was caught and punished through the court system or through vigilante mob justice. Just sayin.'<br /><br />Second, LOVE your rotten egg example, because it reminds me of a Judy Blume children's book "Blubber" where the main character throws rotten eggs in a man's mailbox on Mischief Night with her friend. They do it because he doesn't give out Halloween candy and the kids think he "deserves" it, but they get caught and have to make up for it with yard work, etc. Anyways, in that story the outcome totally supports your "don't burn bridges" rule. But I'm glad you got away with your own rotten egg revenge!Rebecca Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14801489818836195754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-56724928586252987562013-01-10T17:57:28.963-05:002013-01-10T17:57:28.963-05:00Thank you for this new feature, Peter. It's g...Thank you for this new feature, Peter. It's great. I hope you have the Happiest New Year ever.boocathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03794729428885829178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-4259027645010494262013-01-10T16:00:08.082-05:002013-01-10T16:00:08.082-05:00It doesn't seem like you did anything to burn ...It doesn't seem like you did anything to burn a bridge, Jen. <br /><br />Obviously, it's we who decide whether someone has burned a bridge in our regard, or not. It's like an insult: you can't insult me unless I choose to take something as an insult.<br /><br />She said she "can't deal with people right now." It doesn't sound like she is able to give of herself. It's sad but what can you do except let this person go?Peter Lappinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05109154527996679077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-75552909535545204092013-01-10T15:59:17.162-05:002013-01-10T15:59:17.162-05:00There have been a few times that I desperately wan...There have been a few times that I desperately wanted to blow a bridge to kingdom come. However, after wallowing in the self-pity, grandiose schemes, etc, I chose the high road. From this I discovered that the kind of people who make you want to torch the bridge, will eventually do your work for you and make themselves look like idiots in front of others. I don't need to do anything. It's very gratifying.Leighhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11563230869151812456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-57818358868145731072013-01-10T15:55:52.639-05:002013-01-10T15:55:52.639-05:00I haven't burned any bridges. A few have coll...I haven't burned any bridges. A few have collapsed like Jen recounted. Then sometimes it doesn't work for me to rebuild, or the option never appears. Most of my life has vanished, I live near Detroit. All of my schools have closed, old neighborhood has been razed, and Christmas cards brought three death notices this year. We won't talk about job loss in the area. Bridges catch fire sometimes, you don't have to set the fire. That is why tearing down your life with revenge is such a waste. eljeannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-24426369791498712102013-01-10T15:18:51.052-05:002013-01-10T15:18:51.052-05:00I guess I inadvertently burned a bridge with someo...I guess I inadvertently burned a bridge with someone who had been my friend for years. She's a lovely person but drama seems to follow her everywhere, especially in her relationships and in her employment. Over the years I listened to her, comforted her and gave advice - in person or over the telephone. I gave her money when she was out of work, not caring whether or not she ever repaid me. Since I move frequently, often we didn't see each other for long periods of time. I finally saw her again at Christmastime in 2009 when she was driving from her home in North Carolina to her parents' home in Albany. She needed a place to stop and since we were on her route, she spent the night at our home. She couldn't stop talking about my kids and how wonderful they are; she's always wanted a marriage and kids but it's never worked out and the look on her face when she looked at my kids was really wistful. She left in the morning and I didn't really have time to talk with her. After that visit, we talked on the phone and I got the feeling that she was sort of jealous of my life. I didn't bring it up, though. Our conversations continued but she called me less often and whenever I called it was to see how she was doing and listen to more drama.<br /><br />When we moved to the west coast in 2011, I called her to say we were leaving and give her my new address. She didn't want to talk and told me, "I just can't deal with people right now." That got me thinking - I'd always made time for her drama regardless of how busy I was, even though I was a bit tired of hearing about it, because that's what friends do. I texted her a message that basically said that I didn't understand why she couldn't make time to talk to me as I'd always made time to be there for her. She replied that she wasn't contesting that but didn't really say why she didn't want to talk. I figured she'd call in a month or so but she never did. Then I discovered that she'd unfriended me on FB. To this day I don't know why she decided that she couldn't be friends any more, but I don't think I was the one who burned a bridge. Is it wrong to ask someone who is supposed to be your friend and to whom you've always given support to, for once, focus their attention away from themselves? Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11447949592701882774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-38903316538517552862013-01-10T14:21:55.279-05:002013-01-10T14:21:55.279-05:00I cannot, at this time, remember a single bridge I...I cannot, at this time, remember a single bridge I've burned which could just be selective memory however when I mull over this subject I am more apt to believe that it is the other party that has burned the bridge with me.Ron b.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-72969477778133515752013-01-10T14:03:35.557-05:002013-01-10T14:03:35.557-05:00So, I'm in agreement with no bridge burning at...So, I'm in agreement with no bridge burning at work, but what might be the reasoning behind the statement that this rule does not apply to affairs of the heart?Barb aka Woodencanoenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-56737149077625829182013-01-10T13:58:30.932-05:002013-01-10T13:58:30.932-05:00I'm not much for revenge. I probably have bur...I'm not much for revenge. I probably have burned a few bridges, though. Unintentionally. I should have done a few things differently, perhaps. Your observation about everyone being networked these days made me laugh. The rest of the world is catching up to small towns. Odds are, if we ever say something bad about someone, the person we're talking to turns out to be his cousin.<br />Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17459054294111375380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-85776101125614789842013-01-10T13:06:50.969-05:002013-01-10T13:06:50.969-05:00I have heard acquaintances brag about getting back...I have heard acquaintances brag about getting back at teachers, bosses, coworkers etc. by keying or destroying their car, stealing property, spiking drinks, spreading false rumors, etc. I didn't feel impressed- I felt scared of these people that thought "I don't like this person" was justification for vindictive, dishonest, or illegal behavior and I began to doubt their telling of their side of the story. In professional situations there are mature ways of standing up for your rights, addressing conflicts and mistreatment, and severing ties. Tampering with a gas line is not one of them. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-59518991949021846292013-01-10T12:57:21.098-05:002013-01-10T12:57:21.098-05:00Woah!!! Yes, I am firmly claiming that was just ye...Woah!!! Yes, I am firmly claiming that was just yesterday! Such a wonderful time in my life. Thank you!<br /><br />So glad to have reconnected!Cindinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-78734356169730489612013-01-10T12:33:42.157-05:002013-01-10T12:33:42.157-05:00OMG, Cindi -- it seems like only yesterday!
https...OMG, Cindi -- it seems like only yesterday!<br /><br />https://picasaweb.google.com/101177577152766699680/MPB2013?authkey=Gv1sRgCIeGloydsqS6KQ#5831874317674243026Peter Lappinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05109154527996679077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-26110214410772615762013-01-10T12:21:57.053-05:002013-01-10T12:21:57.053-05:00Great post!
I used to work for a legal service co...Great post!<br /><br />I used to work for a legal service company. They treated us like dirt there. One manager was out to get me and, honestly, I have no idea why. I was my team's top earner, so go figure. I finally decided to fire them. I just packed up my stuff and left, without notice. My boss cried, begging me to stay.<br /><br />Six months later, I went to work for one of that company's biggest clients. And I was their main point of contact. The service company people had to kiss my @#$. It was so sweet, you can't imagine. They knew the entire account was in my hands. I didn't fire them, though. I'm still one of their biggest clients. Fortunately, two of the worst are long gone. They came very close to burning a bridge when they were so bad to me. I didn't have to exact any revenge at all. The Universe did it for me!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-12267700463167779732013-01-10T12:19:49.455-05:002013-01-10T12:19:49.455-05:00Wow! Talk about an unexpected connection! I just c...Wow! Talk about an unexpected connection! I just came across a mixed tape of Peggy Lee and Doris Day songs you made for me back when we were students of Piero Dusa!<br />Imagine my surprise to find that you are now a fellow sewist! And a right good and seasoned one at that!<br />I just decided to take the plunge and really focus on my sewing, but coming across your blog is quite a treat! I can't wait to read more. <br /><br />long-lost connection:<br />Cindi Boudissa (formerly Brusse, back in the day)<br />thefabricconcierge.etsy.com (my fabric store)<br />lapetitemaincouture.etsy.com (my accessories store) Cindi Boudissanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1991166428290808171.post-6292390669056298872013-01-10T10:50:35.878-05:002013-01-10T10:50:35.878-05:00Burning bridges, karma, revenge or divine justice,...Burning bridges, karma, revenge or divine justice, what is the difference?<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com